To anyone who has never experienced anxiety before it is very hard to understand... however, to anyone who has, the above photo contains emotions and actions that are very familiar.

I struggled with anxiety for years when I was a child. So many things would cause me to have what I now know was a sometimes debilitating anxiety response. I would get physical as well as emotional symptoms, and I had no ability to deal with things that frightened me. Dentist? Lost it.....Doctor? Lost it....Big Storms? Lost it....There were so many things that made me nervous that I can't even list them all. It was really hard being around so many people who didn't know how to deal with me and had no idea what I was going through. I was labeled "drama queen", "attention seeker", and just an overall bad kid. It was humiliating and scary to not be able to control my emotions. As I got older I developed various coping mechanisms but many of them were unhealthy. I hated the way the pills made me feel so i stopped taking them all together. The one healthy thing that I did find was exercise. I got addicted to going to the gym & it seemed to help the symptoms. When I was put on narcotics in my 20s for pain, my physical anxiety symptoms seemed to get better.... Now that I'm off of them I realize that I was just numbed to my emotional, physical, and spiritual pain so it seemed easier to deal with. Turns out it was just a band-aid on a bullet hole...

Cut to April 3rd 2018 when I made the best decision I've ever made and quit the medication and went on a mission to find a healthier way to manage my pain. (You can read my story here.) April 4th: Enter CBD... I was so happy to realize that CBD did even more to manage my pain than the medications I was on, but the anxiety was now awake and angry as ever. It literally came back in like a tsunami and took a hold of me more violently than ever. I had not yet figured out my CBD dosing and was taking way too much, so the pain was under control, but the anxiety was not. I tried really hard not to get too discouraged, after all I had just put my body in extreme shock by quitting narcotics cold turkey. I became acutely aware of my body and every tiny change happening within. Anything tangible that I could hold onto like a lifeline. I could tell that each day was a little bit better than the last. Of course there were a few days that felt like 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, but for the most part I was determined to celebrate every minute victory. If you are reading this and you experience extreme anxiety, you know that even the most menial task seems like a mountain that you simply don't have the energy or the will to climb. I will never forget the celebration in my house when I made a goal to get up and check the mail that day and accomplished it..... The high fives and tears the first time I was able to go to the grocery store. Day by day, it got better. I acquired more and more coping mechanisms and got my CBD dosing dialed in. I was gonna make it.... You can too...Don't give up.


I was so very blessed to have an amazing husband who was an absolute God send. He had no clue what I was going through inside, but he was just unconditionally supportive & never ever, made me feel anything other than safe and loved. It breaks my heart when I talk to people who are experiencing this kind of extreme anxiety with seemingly no support. To these people I want to say, please please please reach out to me. I will sit and talk with you as much as you need. Come by the store, call me at the store 816-434-5284, or message me on Facebook at Rustic Oils or CBD of Lee's Summit. This is something that can be managed and I promise that you will not feel this way forever. Give yourself permission to not be ok some days, but at the same time celebrate every victory.